January 1st 2007. New Year, happy or not, here it is.
Well it's me, your's truly. I know I said I would never blog again after the wait I was detected and rejected by the machine operator but, well a large fat brown envelope changed hands and as miracles happen
I'm BaCk
Just as you thought it was ....
Well well well, fancy seeing you around theses parts again and for the folks who I have not already met (Virgins) good day to one and all and welcome to another year in the world of Robbie Retard.
well where to start, it's been at least six months since my last confession
Lets start with NEW YEARS.
Why do we need a New Year every year? What's wrong with the previous one?.
Ever have a year that everything went so wonderful and you just wished it would never end because you just know the new one will just not be as good.
Some people love them, some hate them, most of us make resolutions like quit smoking, join a gym, get job, have a baby, be a better person, get a girl friend/boyfriend, sort out your life, start a new life, save money, stop spending, stop shopping, work harder, work less, be a nicer person, be nicer to your wife/lover/girlfriend/boyfriend/mother/granny/uncle/dog and many more to numerous to mention here like attend mass every week, help your neighbour's, join neighborhood watch, cancel this subscription and that subscription, join this club or the other one and so on and on I could go.
I myself wrote a list every year and as 99.9% of us do, never kept one of them for more that a day or three.
The quit smoking drugs one, I usually managed to keep till around 12.10am but quickly realising my error would roll "Just the one" to celebrate the New Year, 30.000 odd joints later and I am still rolling "The last one".
New Years bring new taxes, new price rises, more laws and rules and usually nothing good at all. We do not really need new laws at all, it's really all about money, money money.
New year is about making the general ant population (us) feel good for a few weeks a year so we take our minds off all the shit the governments are up to and forget about all things they are doing in our name for the good of the people and the country.
Governments
Do we really need FULL TIME governments. Think about it, do we really need governments making laws all day, every day,365 days a year, it's plain crazy.
New laws and many more laws, mare rules and more regulations,
It's very hard now a days to be a law abiding citizen as you are bound to break a law or two just going about your general day to day life, it's not difficult. if stopped by police without ID , Walk a dog off a lead, no light on your bike, drink a can of beer in the street. See it's easy to break a law, because their are so many to break and we get new ones almost daily and this is Amsterdam I am writing about. AMSTERDAM, the city of freedom. Ha ha.
Just like all the rest of the Governments around the world, they have used the bombing of the WTC to bring in numerous new laws soon just waking up in the morning will be against the law.
But they will not stop their, new technology brings news toys for the boys, just like new bombs , new toys also have to be tested out on the general population.
Just look at the last few months at the airline business, the banning of liquids, nail files and such like and now the new "European law" making the bringing on of any more that 100ml of liquid illegal to bring on board.
Such crap I never did see. Anyone who wants to blow up a plane can blow one up, just put a little thought into it. Take drug addicts, when they are requested to give a urine sample to prove they are still clean (most are not) they have a bottle with a tube inside their pants in it is clean urine from a friend which flows into the specisim jar when opened.
Simple. and much more than 100ml and no alarm detection as the jar is plastic or glass and as long as you do not set of the alarm you will not be searched.
So really if they want to blow up a plane it's very easy, and ALL that security is a total waste of time and money.
So what's nest -- Well soon you will see full body scanners in all airports,
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Well to something a little lighter now and hopefully a few laughs.
As you may know their are e-mail scammers about who try to swindle places offering accommodation. Below is a recent one we received which I replied to.
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To whom it may concern;
Sir/Madam,
I wish to book for reservation. I need reservation for a 6 man delegate coming to stay in your facility for a period of 10 days.
The delegate would be arriving on the 22nd day of April, 2007
Departure: 2nd May, 2007.
Number of rooms needed; 6 single rooms or 3 double rooms (Please give me total cost for 3 double rooms and 6 single rooms, so that I would make a choice).
Breakfast is included if you offer such service.
Payment is via credit card. Hope you use major credit cards, VISA, Mastercard etc.
Get back to me with your total run down cost for the booking.
Thanks
Alan Shelby
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GENERAL CONSULATE
Affiliate of British Airways
P.O. Box 6743
Sudbury, Suffolk
CO10 2PG, UK
Tel: +44-702 4039883
Fax: Fax: +44-871 2563610
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MY REPLY
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Greetings Alan
Johnny here from Dubai BadLuck hotel
We would love to welcome your 6 man delegate to our hotel but we have had a run of bad luck here, first of all they shut off the water, then they stuck the health and building inspectors on us, we only poisoned 6 or 7 and none died, so we think that was a little over the top, they then came at us with a summons to stop serving up our daily specials which was all fresh food caught locally (some of it very local) but all fresh.
But fear not, as the saying goes, "The show must go on" so my sister has taken charge of your booking and as put up a large tent for all your delegates , it's a lovely place and they will be happy as Larry with it, we have added 7 new showers, 6 new sinks, 5 new toilets, 4 brand new bathrobes, 3 double beds, 2 turtle doves and a large rat catching cat (just in case).
Breakfast is of course included, but may be delayed come mornings if we have trouble catching something fresh. We only serve fresh.
The rate will be DDL 250 a night per delegate + 10% for myself of course. I never work for less than that.
The total sum down for the booking is exactly the same sum as would be up for the booking, 10% of the total amount.
Please forward me your credit card details really soon as if the tent is not paid for by close of business Friday the company will come and take it back leaving your delegates sleeping in the local barn. It's a nice large one full of straw.
Any way phone me quick 00666 258 852 456
Johnny
Dubai BadLuck hotel
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His reply
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Hello,
Thanks for your reply. I am glad to tell you that we have concluded payment with the delegates. They have chosen to stay in your hotel. But one more question, hope you offer open bar services where one can buy a desired drink?
However, a part payment of $2,000 would be made to you via credit card payment as been agreed by the delegate to enable you secure the rooms for them for the number period of time stipulated. I would be sending this credit card for payment to you as soon as possible because I would be traveling to Dubai on a special New Year seminar/symposium. After which, I would going to Africa, Ghana to seal a business arrangement.
As a matter of logistics, I have been instructed to pay for your accommodation, provision for car hiring and other necessary travel arrangements. Prior arrangement has been made with a pre paid car hiring/travel logistic agent who will supply the delegates with cars they will use during their stay as well as process there travel documents.
On that note, once you receive the credit card details from me, which will be sent to you immediately, you are required to charge a total of $8,500 from it. Take $2,000 deposit cost of your services and send the balance of $6,500 via Western Union Money Transfer,to the agent whose information will be forwarded to you as soon as possible.
Kindly confirm this and provide me with your
(1) YOUR FULL NAME
(2) ADDRESS
(3) PHONE NUMBERS, for payment to be delivered to you via courier.
I also hope the stay of the delegates will be made comfortable.
Here are the name of the delegates;
1. Johnson Moore
2. Elizabeth Elsey
3. Brian Tower
4. Cyril Stober
5. Carolin Hue
6. Florence Shely
Please send there rooms allocation as soon as possible.
Kind Regards,
Alan Shelby
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My Reply
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Hi Alan.
Johnny here once again I am delighted to read you have not been put off letting your low life delegates stay with us, Wonderful news. We are over the moon with joy.
You have saved us, I will pray for you as soon as we receive sight of the cash. No cash No tent it's that simple, in fact it's as simple as A+B=C, is it clear ?
When you say "open bar service", do you mean water with ice? We can send out for some other refreshments but the camel might not make it back in time before your L.L.D 's have to return home. Sorry about this.
We urgently need a part payment NOW buster, if we do not receive the $2000 by tomorrow noon, we'll just have to order a smaller tent, do the delegates mind sharing or better still we could use them bunk beds we have left over from the 1967 invasion, this could cut down the cost per delegate greatly, why if we could squeeze several of them delegates into each bunk bed this could offer real savings. Are the Delegates Chinese by any chance ?
You say you are coming to Dubai ? Do you wish to stay with us ? or are you just coming to check out where them little delegates are going to rest their pretty little heads?.
We can also offer you a luxury tent accommodation in Africa, Ghana when you arrive.
I have gone over them names in my head, over and over again and I now have them off by heart. I'll need passports and finger prints before we can allow them check in, but fear not I have a pornographic memory and I never forget a name, face or any other body parts.
What ages are the delegates? Are any of them married ? if so can we swap them for unmarried ones ?
1. Johnson Moore
2. Elizabeth Elsey
3. Brian Tower
4. Cyril Stober
5. Carolin Hue
6. Florence Shely
We need copies of their passports URGENTLY.. Please forward them by western union or pony express or what ever travel logistic agent you intend using to swindle me out of $6500.
Kindly confirm this and provide me with your
(1) YOUR FULL NAME - Robert Alice Retard the 3rd
(2) ADDRESS- Dartmore State mental Hospital, padded cell 5., 201 to 298 Alan Shelby Court, Robber Lane, London QED.
(3) PHONE NUMBERS, for payment to be delivered to you via courier 0031 555 2975. it's a down town number, way down town
Hear from you soon fruitcake
over and up yours
Johnny
Dubai BadLuck hotel
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To date no reply has been received.
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Well what do you know I still have a little room left. Best make up some small talk.
Guess it's just got to be the weather,
The weather outside is wonderful,warm and it's Jan 1st.
We are F....d. Warm weather in January, say bye bye to planet earth, Will the last one out, please turn off the lights.
Here is another one you won't like.
SORRY WE HAVE RUN OVER TIME AND OUT OF PAPER - SORRY WE HAVE RUN OVER TIME AND OUT OF PAPER - SORRY WE HAVE RUN OVER TIME AND OUT OF PAPER - SORRY WE HAVE RUN OVER TIME AND OUT OF-SORRY WE ARE NOT
