May 31st 2007 --->>> Robbie goes Bangkok
Well, well well, fancy seeing you guys here. Following me are you? No rest or peace for the wicked (you,not me).
How did I end up here in this dog forsaken place, I ask myself over and over again well shall I tell you. OK you have broken my arm so I'll confess all.
It all began back in good old Amsterdam in January or was it February, the weather was like summer and all was good but Giuseppe was not the may west (mood wise) and he was driving me to drugs. Day after day be drove me crazy going on about this and that as well as the other, If you do not know Giuseppe he is the kind of guy who can change his mind every few minutes, Say 9am he is quitting his job and going off to
help the poor but an hour later he will arrive back and say "that's that done". He can travel around the world in less that 24 hours, quit jobs, move mountains, join several religions, and still be back for tea time.
No other person I have ever met can annoy one person so much. If you never drank or took drugs,after a few minutes in the company of Giuseppe you would rush out to the nearest place for your chosen fix, Just listening to him go on and on NON stop, saying the same stuff over and over again hour after hour . Your whole body is drained and your teeth are grinding and your brain is screaming in agony.
Well this is what it was like back in early 2007 until I could take no more. Suddenly and without warning Emmett decided I needed a break 'You need to get away from it all' he informed me.
He told me about this wonderful place called Bangkok where he escapes to when the need arises and usually does.
It's paradise my friend, he informed me. So without further convincing I booked a one way 1st class ticket to Bangkok, escaping May 23rd never to return.
Days passed into weeks, weeks into months and before I knew it I was on the plane, on my own. My first time away on my own since arriving on planet earth way back in 67 and also my first time traveling first class.
10 hours later I landed in Bangkok. The city of Angels.
1 hour later I was on to my airline pleading to get back on the first plane out of this mad house. "Sorry Mr Retard sir, you only have one way ticket" No No it's a mistake, clerical error. I need out of this hell hole, anywhere will do,
Well for $2000 I can get you a one way crossing on a cattle boat which leaves in three hours and docks in Calcutta in four weeks.
I'll take it, I said. Not knowing what cattle were or where Calcutta was exactly.
I soon found out.
$2000 ticket was not 1st class, nor 2nd class and not even 3rd class. I ended up sharing with a couple of young cattle, I called Harold and Maude because they reminded me of two friends I used to know back on my own planet, it was the smell mostly that made me remember them.
Well I am a first class kind of guy so settling in was quite difficult at first, but I had no choice but to make the best of it and the best of it I did.
I started by milking Harold and Maude for everything they had,both lousy card players and as I am a semi pro poker player it did not take long. This carried on daily as I needed milk for to make my favorite beverage, tea and thanks to my upbringing I never travel without sugar and my favorite blend of my favorite beverage.
Once you have a cuppa,life never seems that bad.
I manage to entertain myself without much problem, I lent a helping hand to anyone who offered me something in return and at nights I entertained the crew with magic tricks and a few songs I learned as a nipper growing up on my home planet. This seemed to please most of them some of the time and some of them all of the time but a few I just could not break.
I became quite friendly with two of them Seaman Stains and young master bates.
In return they showed me how the basics of snake charming and rope climbing both of which came in mighty handy during my stint in Calcutta.
W arrived in Calcutta on July 4th (Independence day in USA). I said my goodbyes to Harold and Maude as well as the crew who I had become quite friendly with during my four weeks of confinement with them.
I roamed the streets looking for some nice place to stay ( Hilton, Four Seasons) or some other nice hotel but found none. Many locals offered to relieve me of my personal belongings and some offered to take me anywhere I wanted to go but as I did not know myself it was impossible to answer them.
I finally found a place called Filthy Towers which did not seem so bad from the look of the reception. My room on the 1st floor was without electric light so no tea for me but as I was very tired I managed to fall into a deep deep sleep and is was not until the next morning I found myself sharing with a load of little ants. I do not mind ants as much as I do spiders but they get everywhere and I mean everywhere. They do not seem to have any sense of direction. I showed as any of them as I could the front door but they kept coming back under it. I hate to kill any of Dogs creatures so I started a one way system made from card board and ran it from my bed across the room, under the door and half way down the hall and it worked.
But then I woke up and found myself in my little studio in Amsterdam, The whole trip had been a dream, no ants, no Calcutta nothing but a large box of tea bags.
Robbie you have been dreaming again.
